Life never follows a linear path

 Life never follows a linear path or inclination, it struggles to navigate through potholes. 

Essentially, We create subjects in this objective world. Isn't?

An object say XYZ can be either perceived as a gold or just an object without helping a man to move from one place to other like a motorbike.

For me, It is always to grow, I can ignore the party scenes, an important movie to watch, or a social gathering for fun.

Because I have created stories in my mind about the career. It is definitely important but sadly it is less important that thinking about the self who creates the illusion of objective reality to a strict subjective career goal.

What would the society speak about this actor, Who is not keeping the trend of highly luxurious lifestyle?

A latent fear has developed inside the actor's brain, This fear is about elimination of his respect in the society, in the image of actor's parents and close associates.

The actor feels so much pressure inside, working day and night to get closer to the goal, losing the track of his own existence. 

One fine night, struggling to cope up with the stress he built over months and years, He tries to uncover the past dimensions of his life, Why?

He wanted to feel vulnerable. He wanted to feel that someone hears to his crisis, Someone who can instill belief in himself, the primary thing is to stay. 

A human doesn't need anything else. He can bring stars, land on the moon, build an empire and fight with enemies inside.

The tired actor was in deep grief over the issues. The planet was quite deserted, The past dimensions were absent, The trees, flowers, rivers, mountains, birds all were occupied, He couldn't talk with any of them. 

He enclosed himself in a room, grieving the loss of dimensions, struggling to establish his potential, feared the situation of social defamation and surrounded by the uncertainty of the future prospects.

A deep scar inside the heart, The subjects developed in the mind were purely unhygienic.

There was still a small ray of light somewhere, It gave a hope. It maintained the system of his lifecycle. 

It was the determination.

Nothing can beat a man than his own thoughts

It has been a long time since I wrote something here.

The reasons are unknown.

Sometimes, I try to ensure everything around me is organized and that there is no deficiency in my lifestyle. I purchase everything I need to make life easier.

The irony is that even after setting things right on the outside, there is still chaos within.

At times, I do things that go against my principles, and it makes me feel weak.

This cycle of highs and lows takes a toll on me.

this weirdo is here

I believe in myself. I know this is a challenging phase, but I love challenges—at least, that’s what I tell myself. I remind myself to embrace them and be grateful. The Almighty knows everything.

I have strange habits sometimes, like suddenly ordering food late at night or sleeping excessively. Sometimes, I indulge in unnecessary shopping, while at other times, I feel indifferent to everything.

Despite everything, I occasionally find myself revisiting old memories, triggering my past neural patterns, getting caught in a whirlwind of emotions, feeling miserable—only to snap out of it suddenly.

There are days when I talk endlessly on calls, and then there are times when I avoid picking up calls from my family.

Anyway, I’ve noticed a few readers from different parts of the world—thank you for being here.

If you read my story and wish to talk, please comment on this post, and I will respond.

I broke down

Yes, my readers.

I am grateful to you that you spare sometime to read my life blogs.

Since nothing is hidden from you and I wanted to share you that..

I broke down, recently.

Any object in this universe comes with an expiry date.

So was my emotions.

I broke down so badly and I isolated myself.

I brought books closer to me and started identifying my patterns in the lines of the book.

I smiled, cried and expressed all emotions while reading it.

I introspected.

I found a better right path which probably my friend circle wouldn't have taught me.

Then I realised sometimes we live so fastly that we never stop to realise who we are and what are we doing?

I am grateful and I am working towards my goal.

No matter how difficult it might get but I'll promise that I'll never stop doubting my true intentions.

3 AM night

Being a human and walking in a forest, energizing in the sunrise and happy during the sunset.

Being a human, enjoying his moment, throwing pebble into the river, talking to the sparrow and playing in the mud.

Being a human, devoid of any materialistic pleasure of the world, the most happiest individual, where his skin shines and the heart speaks the truth.

Being a human, who believes in the god, prays for his family and feed the minors.

A human who is connected to the earth, who has abundance of vegetable land and eats organic.

- It's the dream of myself to understand how far we have come from the reality.

Yes, I am ageing. It's called my Birthday today.

At my age, I feel that I am still the same as everyone.

But I never wanted to be everyone, but something else.

I couldn't dare to become that one. 

I felt easier to become a part of society.

When I sit with myself and then I ask - None of them are beside you but only 'YOU' with a very limited set of people who look after you when you're imprisoned in a flat covered with walls, where the density of population is high but they are separated by boundries of the flats and rooms.

Life had never been imagined in this way, a person struggling to earn money by working hard and then enjoying little time with himself and very few people asking about him.

Sometimes, I think about few of the questions which are always unresolved.

The intent is to remain peaceful and enjoy serenity with self and people around, where the mouth utters world of divine Radharani and soul gets pure.

To spread love inside and outside, happy with whatever is blessed, happy with few people and have a tendency to frame good thoughts.

As the life is progressing and I'm hitting a more adult version of myself, I would always cherish what Radharani has brought into my path and I always seek all wisdom and peace into my life.

Truly,

Vivek 

We are not we think| because we never thought at all

I bet most of us are not us but something else.

Like a rose, it never understood it. 

It valued the definitions, as soon as it bloomed, it started following his duties. 

It saw his universe in garden.

It saw his meaning through the lense of other flowers.

It never asked the bees the right question.

The rose never knew it's identity, even the name is an external attribute, the aroma it had, it was pleasurable and an attribute defined by society.

Probably the aroma has a meaning which rose never could understand - it probably meant that the smell is a sort of energy that can change the universe if it is enhaled by certain species.

Difficult emotions today

A house inside my soul experiences storm inside and it conveys me - Hey, I need help. Please fix me.

To the reply, I never figure it out myself and give a resolution plan to it. I say hey- There's nothing I can do, It's a choice that I make myself a victim of the adverse situation.

The life gets so overwhelming, I feel a deep sense of loss, Loss of my version, Loss of my truest self. 

A cloud of overthinking fills me up. I feel heavy and void. I feel horrible.

I feel the sense of fear. 

There's a lot I can do but I choose to stay in this situation. 

I feel despair, But I say - Hey, Let's walk, Proceed, Breathe. 

Let's just live.

A reflection of inside

Sometimes I ask myself - Why do I get sad sometimes?

I think about the vibrations , my vibrations in the past.

I think about the vibrations, a low ones, probably due to a difficult day which lowers the confidence.

I think about my vibrations, a terrible one in the past and which I never want to feel it.

I think about all the outer things which should be perfect and if that's not the case then I find myself low.

The lower energies are because -

I fail.

I lose.

I fail to accept the changing things around.

Observation

Under an umbrella lie food particles, a few stones, a piece of technology, a few caps, pencils, and toys.

The ants are roaming here, there, and everywhere, adorning themselves with accessories they can afford. To sustain their empire, they load huge bulks of comparatively expensive items to offer to their lord, enabling the growth of their colony. They consume those food particles, their dreams confined to this universe. It’s a cycle they perform, a legacy they leave for their descendants to follow, and this lifecycle continues.

All of us are ants.

Feel it.

Only a few ants are special—those who break the chain, walk aside, and begin digging deep, questioning the why, how, and countless other whys.

Everyone is destined to die, but this ant seeks something that fuels his discovery.

Day 22 | Realisation after a pause

 Hello, Day 22 of my feelings on paper.

It was a difficult day at office, I realised that people sitting on the top levels are concerned about how to maximize the profit, how to exploit the resources to receive more and more. 

I realised that this digital world at times treat humans as bots, as it is rightly said that the millennials never know how sensitive are the hands behind the keyboard , who work day and night to earn for their livelihood.

The life at this point is running in a path which is ideal for the society, we are supposed to fit in that socket. 

As you're fresh out of college, you're meant to slog all the day for office and earn. This is what our forefathers did. This is how the current civilization is doing. Running behind the monthly salary, buying out all the things to look extraordinary without knowing everything is temporary as your spirit.

The completeness we feel is when we know why are we here? Why we are doing? What we are doing? How long we will be doing? 

And then questions to ourselves like? 

Are you happy for the process you're doing everything?

or 

You are just happy because you fit into the society and feel confident that you earn money?

Life is a maze, we sometimes forget to solve and understand, we just keep solving worldly problems and die one day.

Day 21 | Revisiting my world

 Hi,

Day 21.

I sat with myself, reminiscing old version of mine, a bold boy filled with a heart.

Creative writing, bringing people in his world of imagination, he used to speak to people about how much is he blessed.

A concrete talent, the amalgamation of his vivid imagination and tendency to associate natural resources with a different perspective of life.

His words helped him survive the toughest days, sitting in a chai wala lane and grabbing tea in his hands in the chilliest days.

The words were typed at a faster pace, so that intrusion of mind can be eliminated and unfiltered emotions can be reflected in his personal notes.

The why me, why is this so excruciating, the pain of losing the loved ones and that too walking on the streets without somebody to talk with.

The words were his power. The words helped him survive the toughest days.

Whether a storm or a sunlight, the goofy emotions had only one way.

Time gradually passed.

The self declared writer reached his mid 20s.

He felt so void at times, probably from his childhood days that he would never be gifted with anyone to express his thoughts, but he always wanted that subject in his life.

In order to fulfill a desire to make social connections, he projected himself by saying how creative he is, in terms of writing.

He wanted people to understand his worth, his presence as divine. Whether he was empty or filled I am not sure but he was definitely looking to have a validation from outside that he is worthy.

He does that today as well (Separate matter).

The climate , this time was favourable. He was gifted with a friend who could read something which I doubted sometimes. 

There's a reason why. 

I might have felt that this projection worked in her case and she might be looking at it like - hell yeah this has  got some crazy skill.

Deep inside, I felt soothing. Well I got somebody who knows that I have a skill. I can speak from words not necessarily always real time mouth stuffs.

Some core skills were acknowledged. I gained a confidence by inspecting oh yeah. I stand better than people around that's why I am chosen and I have a friend. I developed ego. 

Whenever I used to write, I used to sit with pride. Nobody can write like me. I can really understand Shakespeare. I am that kind of crazy folk. 

The confidence soar higher. As I grew older and surpassing my mid 20s, I felt that I have this confidence and I can speak louder in public, I can stand in a college election and was selected as a magazine secretary.

The confidence soared highest. Now at this moment I felt that I am in cloud nine.

The nature knows when they can throw me down. At one point of time in my life and I observed that I don't exercise my skill well, the college ended, no jobs in hand and the most prominent the friend who believed in me had to seperate out for some reasons and I was left alone, couldn't get the validations, I couldn't take the support of words this time.

Why not that time?

All the college days, For the first time in life I believed to have someone who acknowledged my creative skills and boosted my confidence, I understood why do I exist. I really took the art for granted and left writing and that habit turned out pretty bad.

During my worst, I stopped writing at all, I stopped everything that would help me regain the lost confidence.

I survived somehow but then I realized how does that ego takes a toll. 

Now that I have started writing again, I feel that my truest self is a bit under the weather. I am touching him very gently saying hey I am sorry, I try to cry sometimes by saying hey Forgive me.

I will start it and no matter what. I'll do.

Probably this time, just for me.

- Vivek

Day 18 | Why do we love to date opposite gender?

 I have a tendency to write based on my knowledge and apologies if you find it irrelevant.

The prime question is -

Why do we love to date opposite genders?

- Most of the times the couple or the two subjects change their places and meet in a different ecosystem.

- They try to make the date special by having dinner, probably create memories, making promises, sparing time for each other and simply enjoying the moment.

- The trend nowadays - They would click pictures and get a socially accepted tick in their friend zones that they ain't behind the cool trends.

- They feel they are important, they are loved , they are heard and they deserve the love from the special opposite genders. ( Who does not like getting prioritised).

That's how the day of V spent. He is in the discovery of his TS. 

- I stepped away from the regular place where he spends most of his time with electronic gadgets for his survival and entertainment.

- I took a pause and saw humans outside. The inner human is still compromised a bit but still the inner one is feeling nicer.

- In order to feed the truest self TS with positive energy, Couldn't get the best thing outside but the KFC was a medium to bring the TS closer. 

TS needs to become dominant anyway, what if it becomes the newest core. It will win the world.

- Clicked few pictures to accept the truest self. Searched ways to make the TS feel special about this day.

- Started writing when it felt. Knowing that TS will be truly happy, TS loves to find me writing.

- I am not alone. The truest self is with me.

Hence, this date is successful today!

-

Day 14 | A setback is a real comeback

 Day 14

I am having major setbacks in life. Although I can't go personal but sometimes I see that there's a lot inside.

V is really far from his TS. He sometimes enjoys his core but then all of a sudden he realizes that during the past times he had no distinct boundaries with core and hence his TS never came into picture. 

He wants to replenish his core but then he realizes he will forget his TS.

Without TS there is no existence for VS.

Day 10 | V is jailed in a cage that his mind created

Ever wondered why do we work so hard? What is 1 purpoe that drives you to wake in the morning get up and start doing office work? The 10+ hours you put everyday of your life? Is that you wanted or just doing it for no reason? Being a purpose is important, the one purpose that defines you, that ignites you, the dream you had shaped when you were a child. Life is not a punishment, its a gift, knowing the purpose will help you get up early and help you pamper yourself. have you ever thought why do you want to stay healthy or fit? because you have strong dreams and passion in your eyes. you want to live for that passion and dream. it can be anything but 1 purpose is required. That would require a strong mindset , youll have to face hurdles on the way, youll fall down, you'll face rejections, people will walk away, sometimes youll vibrate in a different energy zone and sometimes said that you'll be the star who will shine irrespective of what others are doing. The energy for this is to remember your purpose and chase it. This is what makes you. this is what drives you. this is what you wanna survive.

Day 9 | I hardly speak

I hardly speak, I accumulate, I walk out leaving my mind, soul and spirit say it as my Core.

I explore things which are against the will of my Core and say this state as a “Diverted core”.

There is a core my truest nature, then a Diversified core 1 which slightly moves from the core and does things to make sure the human say V enjoys a state of freedom with his folks and his core is maintained.

His DC1 and core walks hand in hand.

Although core is what makes him.

Core defines him.

Core builds him. 

Core gives him a purpose.

The V doesn’t want his core to know everything about DC1 and not at all wants to talk about core to anyone.

The core slightly pushes the IC(Inner core family) to make him feel independent.

He also slides Core so that he can enjoy with his DC1.

He shares his happiness with DC1 and source of his happiness is Core.

Slowly he identifies that Core which defines his truly self has some issues because at one time he finds that his true self is fatigued and he wants to solve this issue by meeting with DC1 so that he gets better and then come back to core. 

However core and DC1 doesn’t perform better in unison and truest self equivalent to core separates apart. 

The V sees his truest self unworthy, the confidence, the look, the money, the fame, the smile degrades.

V is empty without truest self without his core.

Core separates out, Core gets a promotion, core improves in the life, core gets a shine. 

V sees his truest self vacant. He withdraws himself from DC1, IC.

The V takes a shape of untruest self (V forgots his truest self, he ignores the DC1, IC) he misses his truest self adorned with core , he never get a chance to connect with core. It feels empty and walk towards UTS (untruest self).

Negative as hell, full of degradation. 

His truest self on a point when it was syncing with Core had a maximum of 10 values has been downgraded to -10 during untruest self. He withdrew from Truest self(TS),DC1,IC and becomes UTS. 

One fine day V wanted to cry for life so he thought to fill his truest self with Core but he faced rejection. He struggled to improve his truest self without core by adding values so that it can reach 10 with his accomplishments and good routine and he reached 10.

Truest self with self improved truest self (TSWI) and core came into picture.

TSWI and Core was a deadly combination.

V had TSWI and Core.

What else will he need ?

He soon realised his dark UTS when core got their TS in life and it made him an UTS.

He felt miserable and cried.

The core changed. 

The TS again felt Core is not understanding his V.

TS felt he has no DC1 and IC.

TS was scared of UTS.

TS felt he could maintain TSWI and meanwhile he wanted to make sure CORE gets permanently embedded but core had different priorities.

TS was scared, frightened, unsure and he never wanted to see his UTS. 

He still wants to meet his TS and walks by to check if core is there. 

Core went to a different planet leaving the V to UTS and he is hanging in -10 and he dreams to become his TSWI.

Day 8 | Struggle continues

Nothing much to explain.

It's difficult today.

I'll try again, this time with a different strategy.

Day 7 | Day was challenging

This year seem to me a bit challenging.

I said it one day that "I love challenges"

It means I'm evolving in this year mentally, physically and emotionally.

This year is bringing joy, happiness and enrichment in my life.

I would never let my close people feel down and I'll fight till the end.

Day 6 | Life is trough

 No idea where it is taking me to.

I am doing what makes me neutral.

It’s an opposing force, but I’m okay with it.

Regards,

Vivek

Day 5 | Again down

I am still figuring my right picture.

I'm surprised by how much intense I get sometimes, related to work, sleep, thoughts etc.

This is just the 5th day of month (New year) but seems like a bit difficult but I trust myself that I'll fight, I'll find some meaning if not sooner then someday for sure.

-Vivek

Day 4 | Improvement in self

I'm improving.

I'm healthy.

I'm mindful.

Day 3 | understanding my basics

Whenever the problems arise, I enclose myself in a cocoon.

No matter it is a sunrise or a sunset.

No matter how tougher it gets.

No matter who listens to me.

No matter who stays.

Sustaining on a human-crisis, slogging for the day,eating whatever the heart desires, shopping anything in the budget, fighting for the validation,

Understanding the basics.

Talking less over phones, searching for the human to convey something hidden, unfortunately the message doesn't come out.

It's not that I didn't start telling things but there wasn't a solution in their words.

Louder is the agony, silent is the exterior, in a venom of thoughts, it searches for a waterfall, a place to wander by, enough to survive and roam.

That's how life has helped me evolve. 

I have lost the taste in writing because I have changed.

I'm returning to basics.

The environment has changed but I still feel myself in one corner of my dark existence.

Day 2 | Life is today which we build it with love

 Today is my second post in this year 2025. I didn't promise this year to do things  wise fully.  The core reason is that I have understood that I work in waves. Sometimes I am on a top rise wave sometimes very neutral and then I am very low. 

As I am growing up , I have walked through a pavement in order to find the external validations, so that I would get a sense of love and respect from people, Same moment I realise that who is going to judge me? 

The world where I stay in and the world where I work is so vacant.

The flower that was growing in the garden wished for water to thrive, The heart and the important organs needed water and food, The home, The kitchen and the hall - everyone wanted me, The major stakeholder who was me - He was under a guilt trip that he is left without any living elements in his horizon, He made his world dark although knowing the consequences can get so troublesome.

People adorn themselves with all love and affection , While I was running behind validations. The inner world of mine still needs approval, Why can't I accept myself for what I am. 

Being true to myself and in case of any cruelties why can't I step outside to have some break. Probably a break for myself to understand myself more.

That's all - 

Vivek!

Day 1 | Fortunate enough for the life

 Today, I am grateful, I am happy and I look good.

Hi, I am Vivek Sunny, Today is the 1st day of the year 2025, I am so happy to share that I have been gifted with this life, where the god has given me everything what I dreamt of during my childhood.

I was always a curious, doubtful and sincere child. However, I had been bullied by classmates and sometimes my teacher would not like the nature because I used to ask questions.

Sometimes my questions used to be wrong instead of the right one, but eventually I could learn it.

I had a passion of learning and making intellectual friends. I was blessed to have intellectual friends along my way.

I am 28+ now. I am working in one of the biggest firm and I am so much proud of myself. I love how I have travelled so far. I love how I see myself growing. 

I also believe that one day I will fulfil my dreams, I would always love to make my parents feel proud of themselves. I appreciate their dedications and sacrifice.

I would like to journal here, I want to witness how things go along in this   2025. 

Shree Radhe!

- Vivek