Inking My Life on Paper

I'm improving. I'm healthy. I'm mindful.

Whenever the problems arise, I enclose myself in a cocoon. No matter it is a sunrise or a sunset. No matter how tougher it gets. No matter who listens to me. No matter who stays. Sustaining on a human-crisis, slogging for the day,eating whatever the heart desires, shopping anything in the budget, fighting for the validation, Understanding the basics. Talking less over phones, searching for the human to convey something hidden, unfortunately the message doesn't come out. It's not that I didn't start telling things but there wasn't a solution in their words. Louder is the agony, silent is the exterior, in a venom of thoughts, it searches for a waterfall, a place to wander by, enough to survive and roam. That's how life has helped me evolve.  I have lost the taste in writing because I have changed. I'm returning to basics. The environment has changed but I still feel myself in one corner of my dark existence.

 Today is my second post in this year 2025. I didn't promise this year to do things  wise fully.  The core reason is that I have understood that I work in waves. Sometimes I am on a top rise wave sometimes very neutral and then I am very low.  As I am growing up , I have walked through a pavement in order to find the external validations, so that I would get a sense of love and respect from people, Same moment I realise that who is going to judge me?  The world where I stay in and the world where I work is so vacant. The flower that was growing in the garden wished for water to thrive, The heart and the important organs needed water and food, The home, The kitchen and the hall - everyone wanted me, The major stakeholder who was me - He was under a guilt trip that he is left without any living elements in his horizon, He made his world dark although knowing the consequences can get so troublesome. People adorn themselves with all love and affection , While I was ...

 Today, I am grateful, I am happy and I look good. Hi, I am Vivek Sunny, Today is the 1st day of the year 2025, I am so happy to share that I have been gifted with this life, where the god has given me everything what I dreamt of during my childhood. I was always a curious, doubtful and sincere child. However, I had been bullied by classmates and sometimes my teacher would not like the nature because I used to ask questions. Sometimes my questions used to be wrong instead of the right one, but eventually I could learn it. I had a passion of learning and making intellectual friends. I was blessed to have intellectual friends along my way. I am 28+ now. I am working in one of the biggest firm and I am so much proud of myself. I love how I have travelled so far. I love how I see myself growing.  I also believe that one day I will fulfil my dreams, I would always love to make my parents feel proud of themselves. I appreciate their dedications and sacrifice. I would like to journal...

 The wind is not as light  as the previous one. It hit the evergreen forests and romanticised on a very good morning  The citizens felt relieved for the first time after summer, Birds chirped, Flowers  blossomed.  Life was charming for the every entity. The wind was independent and it reached all the corners. It felt the life. However. The life is so unpredictable, nobody figured out the concept of heavy strong winds in a depressing weather, the wind was robust, it weathered out the soil, trees, nests, garden and the entire crops. The wind cried bitterly, it couldn’t kiss the crops or the flower but it was notorious. The entire universe prayed for its calmness like before. And they waited till the eternity.

It's been such a long! I'm here finally and I wanted to speak about something which is not ideal for me. It's been a few days since I'm in Pune back from my hometown and things were pretty unsettling in terms of my mental health and the change atmosphere. Although it would sound kirky but this is the reality. My mind couldn't process the tensed situation at work and hefty workloads, improper hygiene and irregular meals, and all this happened so suddenly. I wasn't feeling human to be very honest in this ground, the culture at workplace became robotic, I missed the human touch, I missed the regular meals, I was totally alienated.  I took a bigger move , bigger than I could have ever taken and thought to change the style of my working, I thought of a change and I am proud of it. While the work was still on table, the irregularities in the schedule, the imbalance took a toll when I found nobody around me to support in reality, I missed the human factor and got indul...

 It’s 2.36 AM midnight, Cold wind injecting my skin and touching the cells. I feel very cold but my heart is aching, I feel the hollow space, I feel alienated. I have love for materials be it a cloth to camera, but at my age I don’t cry longer if any of these apparatus gets malfunctioned. I mourn for the loss of my older version - my child version who found an ecosystem equipped with love, care and affection. Today in this cold weather, I felt heavy pain. I felt a loss. I felt so bad that I started writing and I know that it’s a raw content because I am not sitting with the pain.  I sometimes feel like crying but then I don’t. I don’t know why. I just feel sad.  Bye.