Inking My Life on Paper

Being a human and walking in a forest, energizing in the sunrise and happy during the sunset. Being a human, enjoying his moment, throwing pebble into the river, talking to the sparrow and playing in the mud. Being a human, devoid of any materialistic pleasure of the world, the most happiest individual, where his skin shines and the heart speaks the truth. Being a human, who believes in the god, prays for his family and feed the minors. A human who is connected to the earth, who has abundance of vegetable land and eats organic. - It's the dream of myself to understand how far we have come from the reality.

At my age, I feel that I am still the same as everyone. But I never wanted to be everyone, but something else. I couldn't dare to become that one.  I felt easier to become a part of society. When I sit with myself and then I ask - None of them are beside you but only 'YOU' with a very limited set of people who look after you when you're imprisoned in a flat covered with walls, where the density of population is high but they are separated by boundries of the flats and rooms. Life had never been imagined in this way, a person struggling to earn money by working hard and then enjoying little time with himself and very few people asking about him. Sometimes, I think about few of the questions which are always unresolved. The intent is to remain peaceful and enjoy serenity with self and people around, where the mouth utters world of divine Radharani and soul gets pure. To spread love inside and outside, happy with whatever is blessed, happy with few people and have a tenden...

I bet most of us are not us but something else. Like a rose, it never understood it.  It valued the definitions, as soon as it bloomed, it started following his duties.  It saw his universe in garden. It saw his meaning through the lense of other flowers. It never asked the bees the right question. The rose never knew it's identity, even the name is an external attribute, the aroma it had, it was pleasurable and an attribute defined by society. Probably the aroma has a meaning which rose never could understand - it probably meant that the smell is a sort of energy that can change the universe if it is enhaled by certain species.

A house inside my soul experiences storm inside and it conveys me - Hey, I need help. Please fix me. To the reply, I never figure it out myself and give a resolution plan to it. I say hey- There's nothing I can do, It's a choice that I make myself a victim of the adverse situation. The life gets so overwhelming, I feel a deep sense of loss, Loss of my version, Loss of my truest self.  A cloud of overthinking fills me up. I feel heavy and void. I feel horrible. I feel the sense of fear.  There's a lot I can do but I choose to stay in this situation.  I feel despair, But I say - Hey, Let's walk, Proceed, Breathe.  Let's just live.

Sometimes I ask myself - Why do I get sad sometimes? I think about the vibrations , my vibrations in the past. I think about the vibrations, a low ones, probably due to a difficult day which lowers the confidence. I think about my vibrations, a terrible one in the past and which I never want to feel it. I think about all the outer things which should be perfect and if that's not the case then I find myself low. The lower energies are because - I fail. I lose. I fail to accept the changing things around.

Under an umbrella lie food particles, a few stones, a piece of technology, a few caps, pencils, and toys. The ants are roaming here, there, and everywhere, adorning themselves with accessories they can afford. To sustain their empire, they load huge bulks of comparatively expensive items to offer to their lord, enabling the growth of their colony. They consume those food particles, their dreams confined to this universe. It’s a cycle they perform, a legacy they leave for their descendants to follow, and this lifecycle continues. All of us are ants. Feel it. Only a few ants are special—those who break the chain, walk aside, and begin digging deep, questioning the why, how, and countless other whys. Everyone is destined to die, but this ant seeks something that fuels his discovery.